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… and chip butties. Yummy. But I’m not doing a post on great weekend easy meals. I’m doing a post on those cold-blooded swimmy things that live in the oceans and sometimes rivers.

Feeesh, I say in my adopted Aussie accent. Yeah, they can be as ugly as sin and as beautiful as a tropical sunset. Mind you, even the dog ugly ones command a certain majesty about them; wet and cold and dark, but a dignity nevertheless. Take the Barracuda for instance. A damn impressive fellow he is. Bloody scary lookin’ too!

But if you want the fear factor, then one goes no further than the white pointer, the Great White shark that is. Eeek! That monstrous beast elicits more fear than a dozen Halloween movies! There are plenty of different types of sharks. I’ve included three in this post; the three most interesting.

I plan to go scuba diving one day. I wish to be among the Beautiful People of the fish world, the tropical ones that meander and swagger with such divine underwater nonchalance, their colours dappling in the filtered sunlight, as they swish past a bed of sensational coral.

Piranha is an intriguing one. Small, but very mean looking, with those razor-sharp teeth, and that taste for copper. I’ve got a yellow one on my bookshelf, stuffed mind you. He keeps an eye out.

I wanted to include Manta rays, but I think they’re classed as rays, not fish. I thought about the sturgeon, but I can’t stand caviar. As much as I love whales they’re not fish, they’re mammals. And I didn’t include any eels either … ‘cos they’re eels.

So, without further adieu, here are my fishies:

Aren't some of them so pretty! And other ones damn fierce!!! Gotta say that Barracuda is a great pic! And the jaws of the Great White I have a morbid fascination with. I honestly can't think of anything scarier! How's the Devil Fish?! The eye of that piranha is something to behold too! But my favourite? The Blue Groper. What a gentle charmer!

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birds

September 4th 2007 02:30

Birds have the best time. They can fly, effortlessly. Some, like the albatross or the condor, with their massive wing spans can cruise on pockets of air for miles and miles and miles. Can you imagine how exhilarating that would be?!

Mind you, birds don’t have the gift of abstract thought, so it’s not as if they’re up there swooping and gliding, thinking “Damn, this is cool fun, I pity those poor pathetic people down on the ground who’ll never get to experience what I am doing …”

There is a distinct visual allure in watching a bird in flight, especially those birds of prey, the hawk and falcon and the magnificent condor. I love watching owls at work, those huge eyes and those fluffy soft feathers. God, I wish I could fly, like the eagles fly, on mountain high …

Birds have a sense of dignity, an air (excuse the pun) or nonchalance, almost superiority. They care like the cats of the sky, feathered felines. Curious there’s the mythological creature the Gryphon (a big cat’s body with an eagle’s head and wings), perhaps it stems from that idea?

I have a great fondness for many of the New Zealand birds, especially some of the flightless ones, obviously the kiwi, but also the very shy and endangered Kakapo (the world’s only nocturnal parrot). There’s the kea, a thoroughly cheeky alpine parrot that is known for ruining parked cars whilst their owners are skiing.

But since living in Australia I’ve been able to first hear first hand, and then see up close a Kookaburra, which is one of the most handsome birds in the world. The kingfisher is similar looking, something about that head and bill, the stocky frame of the body. Of course the laugh of the kookaburra is something else.

From the vivid rainbow colours of the tropical birds, to the ominous dark hue of the crows and ravens, to the overwhelming extravagance of the peacock, birds are a sight for sore eyes. It’s curious how it is often the male bird that possesses the ostentatious presentation.

So many birds in the world. And this post barely ruffled a few feathers. I gotta say I adore the tucan; the glorious display of colour and that massive beak. I do love the condor though; the black panther of the sky. And I'm rather fond of the kakapo, very shy, cuddly like a green teddy bear-bird. And the shag. Great name. And a superb fisherman too. But, I always come back to the infectious laugh and good looks of the kookaburra.

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insects

August 31st 2007 01:26

Insects: 30 million species or more. They are everywhere. Some of them are pretty little flying things. Others are hideous creepy crawlies. I’ve actually included spiders and scorpions, even though they are not insects, they are arachnids. Please excuse this indiscretion; it’s just that I have a morbid fascination with both of them.

I’m very fond of butterflies, especially since my lover's name means butterfly. I love the way caterpillars become butterflies, they are xenomorphs (shape-changers), very cool.

In my home country, New Zealand, there’s a very prehistoric looking beast of an insect called the weta. They give me the heebie-jeebies. Looks kind of like a cross between a grasshopper, a scorpion and a tiger; a striped shell, massive spiny hinds legs, huge mandibles, long feelers. They live in damp, rotting wood and Peter Jackson not only named his special effects workshop after them, but giant versions of them featured in that frightening cave sequence in King Kong where the giant carnivorous worms also dwelled. UGH!

I like the interesting looking insects, the bizarre stick insect, the crazy millipedes and centipedes, all those funky horned beetles. The praying mantis - the so-called dragon of the insect world - has always fascinated me with its ferocious take no prisoners swagger. I once watched a mantis on a burning log in a fireplace attack the flames as if it were an opponent. It lashed out once and the flames instantly immolated its arm. It lashed out with the other and lost that one. Then it pounced headlong into the fire and perished. Very strange.

I remember as a young boy watching a wasp and a grasshopper locked in mortal battle; the grasshopper was on its back pushing frantically with its huge hind legs up at the wasp which was furiously stabbing downwards with its stinger. I couldn’t watch the wasp kill the grasshopper so I left the scene.

Now spiders I have a thing about. Yes, I’m a bit of an arachnophobe. As soon as they start getting big and hairy then I start getting the heebie-jeebies, for example the tarantula, or the funnelweb, or the huntsman. Eeeek!!! I know the tarantula and the huntsman aren’t considered dangerous, but they still look damn creepy.

Give me a cute lil’ ladybird anyday.

The dragonfly is my favourite insect. It just oozes “street cred”, if an insect could ever command that kind of visual aesthetic, the dragonfly does. The scorpion has the most impressive looking defence system. But if I was to be an insect I’d be a bumblebee. All those flowers … all that honey.

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flowers

August 10th 2007 01:54

I thought I’d follow my “guns” post with a post on flowers, just to be provocative and ever so slightly contentious. I can be hypocritical at times, but at the end of the day it comes down to sheer visual aesthetics, and flowers are beautiful things.

I’m not a pansy though, pun intended. It’s not like I go all weak at the knees and dab a handkerchief across my perspiring brow when I pass a bed of roses. But flowers are extraordinary; the rich colours and curious shapes, and they smell damn fine too, like the simple, yet utterly gorgeous, pink frangipani.

Can you imagine how dreary and glum the world would be without the visual allure and complex natural decoration flowers provide us with? They’re a symbol of love and life, their blossoming signals birth and creation. They’re essential to weddings and well-wishers. Flowers feature in every kind of design; from wallpaper to carpets, porcelain to costumes.

In western culture certain flowers symbolise different things. Red roses are given as a symbol of love, beauty, and passion. Poppies are a symbol of consolation in time of death. In the UK, Australia and Canada, red poppies are worn to commemorate soldiers who have died in times of war. The Iris and Lily are used in burials as a symbol referring to "resurrection/life". Daisies are a symbol of innocence.

The Roman goddess of flowers, gardens, and the season of Spring is Flora. The Greek goddess of spring, flowers and nature is Chloris. In Hindu mythology Vishnu, one of the three major gods, is often depicted standing straight on a lotus flower, which is considered to have a strong spiritual significance.

In art the female genitalia is often represented by flowers, especially Asian and western classical art. They are indeed a powerful sexual tool of artistic expression. “Prostitutes for the bees!” as Uncle Monty mused in my favourite comedy Withnail and I. What a glorious metaphor indeed! Yes, nature’s silent whores, seducing those male winged workers with their vibrant hues and heady scents, to enable their sticky love nectar to be spread far and wide.

But enough of the flowery prose, here is my image bed of favourite petals for you to gaze over.

There are so many thousands of flowers in the world. And so many I’ve never, ever seen. But I am fascinated by the cactus flowers; that these simple, yet so striking flowers that grow in such an inhospitable place: the desert. I adore the glorious simplicity and size of sunflowers; they are like the lions of the plant world. But the frangipani is my favourite, yet another of nature’s simple elegant designs … the pink one, of course.

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creatures

August 1st 2007 04:26

Animals, Animals, Animals. This was a TV programme I used to watch occasionally as a boy, after I got home from school. It was hosted by Hal Linden from the cop sitcom Barney Miller. I enjoyed the colourful style it was presented in with cool graphics and an endearing sense of humour.

As a young lad and into my early teens my favourite animal was the cheetah. I loved how it was the fastest land animal in the world, and that it looked different from the other big cats. In fact it was more closely related to the hyena, which is of the dog family.

Then I came to the realisation that I loved most of the big cats, but especially the tiger. However I finally decided my favourite favourite animal was a land animal considered to be the most ferocious land animal in the world, a beautiful predator that humans have not been able to get very close to in the wild.

Yes, the polar bear is my favourite animal, paws down.

But I love so many animals, all kinds of critters. As much as I like the cute, cuddly ones, I also admire the snarling, deadly, some would say hideous ones. Creatures that command respect, yet often don’t receive it (ie those endangered creatures that are hunted and poached).

I like creatures that hiss and spit, snort and grunt, ones that growl and roar. I like ones that simply snuffle, and even ones that barely make a sound.

So here are some of my favourite looking creatures, in no particular order.

Yup, as you can see I have a special place in my style of eye for the big cats ... If I could have a puma for a pet, I'd have one. If I could have a polar bear cub for a pet, well ... It was hard limiting these gorgeous - some grotesque, yet still so impressive looking - creatures down to just twenty-four. Where's the elephant, you ask? And the platapus?

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